About the Blog

Tanya and I started this blog because we’re old and need stuff to do. We can’t really go out during the week without suffering the next day. I mean, we went to bed around 8:30 last night. We just hang out and make things up about the cat, and that’s why we started the blog.

Ideally, Skaht and Tanya’s Rice Pilaf would be a variety show on local cable access, CCTV, but Tanya and I are too old to get that kind of shit together. Secondly, we would shoot little narrative films involving the cat, but we don’t have a camera. When we get one, we’ll do that. Thirdly, we would write comics and children’s books about the cat, but so far, we haven’t done it. Lastly, we will probably at some point post some pics and give them some Photoshop or, at least, MS Paint treatment. Look forward to that.

If anyone wants to help us out with any shit, let us know.

I’m going to start posting some of our ideas, just to get them out there.

We have an idea for a black and white, old-school, laugh track-heavy sitcom where Monkey comes home from working all day, Tanya is the perfect housewife, and I’m their incorrigible adopted son. It's called Monkey the Cat!

An opening scene would go something like this:

INT. HOUSE - EVENING

MONKEY enters the house, wearing a fedora and cat trench coat, sporting a briefcase. He throws the hat at a full-size coat rack, but it falls short and lands on the floor (cue LAUGH TRACK).

TANYA, in apron and 50's style house dress, pulls a tray from the oven.

TANYA
I hope my sweet man is hungry!

Monkey walks by her, getting a full view up her dress.

MONKEY
Looks good from here. Smells great, too.

LAUGH TRACK!

Camera pans to reveal SKAHT seated at the table.

SKAHT
But, dad, you eat garbage.

TANYA
Skaht!

MONKEY
We never should've adopted him from that barn in Vermont.

Monkey shrugs. LAUGH TRACK!

ETC...

Sorry, I couldn’t figure out how to get Final Draft formatting up in this piece. Remember, I’m an old idiot, and give me a break. I think you get the gist.

We even have a theme song. The lyrics:

Monkey the Cat
Monkey the Cat
His name is Monkey, but he's a cat
He's a cat, whose name is Monkey.
Hey, who is that?
It's Monkey the Cat!

Obviously, I can't write music and only know how it sounds in my head. So, uh, enjoy this video.