Chez Nous

So, Skaht and I finally found a new apartment. I estimate that we probably saw at least 20 places before we settled on this one. It feels good to know that we don’t have to search anymore.

Apartment hunting was a soul-sucking and angst-ridden activity that left me with an even worse distaste for real estate brokers (I already damned them all to Hell the last time I had to move.) Skaht and I agree that you have to be a complete asshole to want to be one of these people. A slimy, sleazy piece of crap.

Oh yeah, and most landlords suck too.

Searching for an apartment right now is difficult. Rents have gone up and apartment quality has gone way, way down. We’re talking major fire-trap, hasn’t been maintained in about 25 years bad. And the owners of those shit holes wanted way more than we pay for an ill maintained 1 bedroom right now.

Besides the inflated rents and shitty apartments, we were inconvenienced by the larger number of renters out there who were also looking. Since mortgages are more difficult to attain lately, a lot of people who would buy are renting instead. So we had to deal with the fact that if we found a place, we would have to make a quick decision about whether we should take it. On more than a few occasions, apartments that we were inquiring about were snatched up during the day before we could even leave work to view them.

I felt like I was going to crack after a while. One thing I learned from this process is that I need to learn more about patience from Skaht, because he kept us both sane during our search. He also stopped me from making a big mistake on a one bedroom in Davis Square that would have cost us the dreaded “Finder’s Fee” (even though I “found” the place on Craigslist…but, whatever.)

Anyway, this new place is a two bedroom, so it has a lot of space. The kitchen is all renovated with stainless steel and granite countertops. The bathroom was recently remodeled as well. The owner will accept Monkey, so at least we don’t have to put him in the dumpster on moving day (although we always could change our minds.)

I’m looking forward to living in a place that is somewhat new and nice. Hopefully we can get movers who will move us this weekend. Yay.

Still alive. Really!

Even though our lack of blog writing might lead one to believe that we are either dead or missing, fear not! Skaht and I are still here and doing well.

Monkey is doing well too, especially in the growing cat department. Only thing is, he’s already an adult so he’s not growing up any longer – just growing out, if you know what I mean (fatass.) Looks like we’ll have to reduce his food intake again which sucks because he will freak out and then I’ll feel like a horrible mommy. Oh well, it’s better to have a healthy cat making me feel guilty rather than a fat cat who will devastate me when his life is cut short by diabetes.

Let’s see, what have we been doing? We went to Florida and I got to meet Skaht’s parents and grandma. That was fun. We celebrated Surprise Day on February 10 (I’ll post Surprise Day gift photos soon) and Valentine’s Day. We did a lot of eating and hating on things, so that’s always fun too. We also came up with some new screenplay ideas involving Monkey which we still need to post one of these days. You’ll like those.

Our birthdays are coming up in March, so that should be interesting. We’ve got tickets to see The National and Morrissey and we are getting tickets for Mogwai/Twilight Sad in May and Depeche Mode in July. Besides that, there’s a slight possibility of a trip to Iceland, provided that we get our passports updated and that I still have a job in a few months (you never know.)

Sorry that this status report post is so damn boring. It’s like something I’d write for a manager. Sooner or later, one of us will return to this blog and write a post that is actually worth reading…if anyone reads this anymore. You do, right?

Life Right Now

I am officially sick of winter and I have a cold. It’s one of those “gotcha!” colds. A “gotcha!” cold is a cold that seems to completely go away after you’ve had it for a couple of days – only to come back with a vengeance when you least expect it to. I started feeling the symptoms of the cold back on Sunday, but on Tuesday it was pretty much gone and I was happy while I danced around Skaht, praising the curative effects of maximum doses of vitamin C. Then, all of a sudden, Wednesday morning rolls around and I woke up feeling like Monkey had run a cat-sized truck back and forth over my face as I slept. Last night was worse and I ended up not getting any sleep due to multiple coughing fits. Thankfully, Skaht slept okay through all of that fun.

Our dance class was cancelled last night since the weather was so bad (rain/snow storm.) In a way, I was good with that since I felt like crap. I’m excited to get back to class next week though because we will be learning the Waltz. We just wrapped up the Foxtrot and Skaht and I have been practicing here and there, so we are improving. After next week’s class, we’re off to Tampa where I’ll get to meet Mr.and Mrs. Sand and be happy that we are somewhere where it’s not 20 degrees out.

Oh, my inner dork has resurfaced and I decided to download a free 10 day trial of the latest Warcraft expansion called “Wrath of the Lich King.” It’s actually pretty awesome because there is a whole new class to play with called the Death Knights. You start off as a level 55 character and you get to chill with the Lich King who gives you some pretty bad-ass quests. The game play experience is really dark and you get to raid a village and kill people while they plead for their lives (that's actually a little difficult psychologically at times.) After you get to around level 58, the special Lich King sequence ends and you go back to the original Warcraft game in Ogrimmar. I’m at that point now and I’m starting to get bored, since I’ve already completed all of those quests with my old character. However, I might keep up with it because my Death Knight is totally pimped out and she can make corpses explode.

Um.

Surprise Day!

Yesterday was Surprise Day. This month, we both surprised each other with books.

I got Skaht "Inbound Volume 1" which is a book of comics from Boston writers.



Skaht got me "Oblivion" by David Foster Wallace.

Just like that Enigma song...

The Saint Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer, MA allows women to stay at the end of each month for either a weekend or a week and I am contemplating a retreat there in October. You might have heard of the monks of Saint Joseph’s – they make Trappist Preserves. Trappist Preserves are the very best preserves in the whole wide world and while I was spreading some delicious Damson Plum on an English muffin this morning, I thought “hey, wouldn’t it be great to stay at a monastery some day?”

Skaht probably thinks I’m going a little crazy, wanting to stay at a religious institution and all. I am not a fan of organized religion and of course, if I were to stay at the monastery, there would be all kinds of religious things going on all around me. All the time. So, why go?

I’m kind of asking myself that right now. I’ll be honest and say that I’m not surprised by my excitement over such an endeavor. I have always had great respect for those who decide to live according to such strict principles. There is something that is so beautiful about living an ascetic life where you must live quietly, simply and in total submission to a higher power. That sense of devotion, which upholds everything, is an amazing thing.

It would be a really wonderful experience to live a similar life, just for a short while. I wouldn’t come back reformed and religious, I’m sure of that. But, I would learn a lot about devotion and self-sacrifice by watching others and taking part. From what I can tell, I’d have to be silent for the entire day and night, breaking silence only to sing at set times during the day. I’d wake up at 3:15am and go to bed at 8.

A monk is available for private talks at specific times and I would look forward to meeting with him. I’d be honest about where I stand on terms of religion, but I have a feeling that whoever I speak to wouldn’t be offended by it. I don’t feel that any of the brothers there would try to convert me. Hopefully, he would understand my desire to be there as just what it is. Even though I am opposed to much of what organized religion teaches, there is a part of me that is sometimes sad that I can’t believe in a higher power. It’s not that I won’t believe…it’s just that I can’t.

I am not looking for a way to have faith. I just want to know what it’s like to be around others who can. Maybe it’s because I tend to look down on religious people in general society and I want to be more open minded. The strange thing is that I don’t have that same prejudice when I think of ascetics; I hold them in high regard. Does that make sense to anyone? Is this way hokey for this blog?

Anyway, I made it a point in my calendar to call in April so I can ask about a spot in October. Hopefully I’ll be able to go and experience this new life for a short while and then I’ll come back to Skaht, who will undoubtedly take me out for cocktails in an effort to shake the dogma out of me. No worries, he won’t have to do that much to get me back the way I already am.

In related news, Skaht and I saw "Into Great Silence" a while ago. It's a documentary about the monks of Chartreuse. I thought that it was a great film. Here is the trailer:

Sure, I'll Post It

DISCLAIMER: Alright, I actually wrote and posted this film review a few days ago. However, I removed it because I think that the writing sucks and it's too long. I'm going to repost it though because I feel bad that Skaht and I have been lazy about updating this thing and I know that we have a few readers out there. So, here's my shitty post about a movie:

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It’s pretty rare when I feel compelled to write a film review. That’s mostly due to the fact that I don’t really like movies. However, if Skaht manages to have me sit through one and I like it then hey, great. If the movie sucks then we’ll probably discuss why it sucked, be done with it and there you go.

This time it’s different because, well, here I am writing a film review. Last night, we watched The Haunting (1999 version) and it was so retarded that I was inspired to actually think about it long enough to mention it here. Seriously. This film is retarded. Retarded.

…I like saying “retarded”.

Anyway, I’m going to provide spoilers here, so if you actually want to spend $5 at Blockbuster and rent this thing, stop reading. I don’t know why you’d want to do that, but hey, I’m warning you anyway.

At first glance, I was actually psyched to see this movie. It looked like a classic haunted house type of tale which I really like. So, when Skaht and I found it, it didn’t take long to figure out that this was the film that we would use our free rental coupon on. After a dinner of Christmas left-overs and white Zinfandel champagne, we put it into my trusty PlayStation 2 (it doubles as my DVD player) and got comfy on the couch.

Shortly after the movie begins, Eleanor (a woman who has been confined inside, taking care of her dying mother for years), gets a call from an unidentified person, informing her of a sleep study that she should participate in. The details are vague, but in the paper, she learns that she would receive room, board and a $900 stipend per week. Not too shabby!

Some insignificant stuff happens next and then before you know it, Eleanor is on the road to the location of the study. After driving to the destination and consulting her map, she figures out that the huge, hulking mansion/castle in front of her is the correct place. The first image of the mansion/castle was so massive and fake looking that I began to wonder if this movie would end up being a huge CGI cheesefest. As the movie kept going, I realized that I was right.

Eleanor meets the caretaker and his dour, old wife who quickly informs her that once the night comes, no one will be around to help her should she need any assistance IN THE DARK. The wife repeats the same foreboding phrase to Theo (the next study participant), after she arrives as well. Theo is more interested in showing Eleanor her Prada boots and playing out her clichéd New York bisexual hot girl vibe, so she doesn’t really pay much attention. After this scene, an annoying super-anxious guy shows up and this completes the arrival of the study participants.

The three study participants meet the doctor in charge of the study plus his two assistants. Both assistants leave the mansion and never come back after one of them receives a facial wound from some supernatural force. How they leave is a mystery as the gates have been locked shut by the caretaker (and they remain locked after everyone tries to escape later on.) The house itself is gigantic and ornate and very fake looking – with lots of trap doors, heavy sculptures and a revolving, mirrored ballroom. The three ‘patients’ take to their rooms and have a few questionable things happen (these are supposed to be scary things, but they aren’t.) and then they go to bed. Meanwhile, we learn that the doctor isn’t concerned with studying their sleeping habits. Rather, he is interested in learning about how they cope with fear. Wow, what a jerk!

As the movie drags on, creepy things start happening to Eleanor and everyone starts questioning her sanity. Then, they blame the doctor for rigging up the house to make them all scared when they learn about the true intention of the study. Things change, however, when the good doctor himself is almost drowned by a blood spewing fountain sculpture in the greenhouse – making it undeniable to everyone that the house is insane, not Eleanor.

As far as scary imagery goes, this film has none. It’s billed as a “shriek filled funhouse”, but what you get is a lot of cheesy special effects and laughable dialogue. Did you ever see Casper the Friendly Ghost? You know the movie, not the cartoon? Well, most of the spirits in this movie look like him. I’m not joking. Fun scenes like a comical beheading by a fireplace ornament and a battle between Eleanor and a highly digitalized hawk sculpture come-to-life are additional worthy moments.

Look, I praise a good horror film that relies on minimal gore and effects to instill a sense of fear. But, this movie was so full of mediocre computer generated “grabby hands” and moving sculptures that it began to make a real mockery of itself. The best part came near the end when we find out that Eleanor’s great-grandad is actually the asshole who built the house in the first place and his spirit still imprisons the legions of children he killed in his textile mills way back in the day. So, the whole reason she ends up there (we find out) is because the house “needs her to protect the children.” Um. Ok. Seriously, Monkey could write a better screenplay then this.

Merry Christmas

and Happy Holidays

Christmas Gifts

Skaht and I gave each other our Christmas gifts early this year.

Skaht got us both spots in a ballroom dancing class. It starts on January 14th!! I'm sure that Skaht and I will tear it up. Look for us on the professional circuit sometime next year. Yeah, I think that we'll be that good. Seriously.

I made Skaht's present. It's a shrine to creativity (creative writing creativity.)

Here are some shots of it:









Materials:
Wood
Paint
Vintage papers and book excerpts (from the 1800's to 1940's)
Wire
Vintage glass beads
Bronze sparrows
Vintage typewriter keys
Peacock feathers
Lacquer
Dollhouse chair
Electric light
Cellophane
Love

Name that 80's band!

Well, actually that's just me and my friend George at my other friend's birthday party (Sara.) Looks authentic though. It inspired Alli P. (she took the photo) to propose a photo shoot in the near future. If we do the shoot, then maybe I'll be inspired to get back to learning electric guitar - since my guitar is rotting away in storage.

So yeah. Take heed. I might be famous some day. A famous old person. Holla!

Picture of the Day

RIP Miss Bettie

It saddens me to hear that Bettie Page passed away last week. She was definitely an inspiration for all of us Burlesque freaks and the occasional Goth girl (i.e. the "Bettie" haircut.)

Drinkin' and Dialin'

I’m happy Skaht said that it was ‘cute’ when I decided to drunk dial him multiple times last night on my way back from a friend’s birthday dinner. You see, I just wanted to give him a call and ask him to come over because I thought that it would be fun to hang out. I had no idea what time it was (past midnight on a weekday) and I was feelin’ fine from all those nice blackberry cosmos (seriously, they were good.) So, I figured – why the hell not? Skaht loves me and I’m sure that he’d want to stop by!

So, I proceeded to call and the phone just rang and rang before Skaht’s voicemail picked up. For some reason, I thought that there must have been something wrong with my phone, because if my phone had worked correctly, Skaht would have answered. I then called him again with the same results. On the third try, Skaht answered because the constant ringing of his phone must have woken him up or annoyed him to no end by this point. He didn’t sound upset or anything and I was psyched because I was all like – yay! My phone works!

Now that I had him on the phone, I started babbling and saying drunken cliché phrases like “come over here and do me” and “I miss you so much, I can’t stand it!” As I went on and on, I ended up walking right into a patio table, knocking over a plant and smashing into the back of some person’s bicycle on Mass Ave. The person wasn’t there, so that’s good.

Skaht finally told me that it was too late for him to come over and do me and that he was in bed already. I was sad but I let him go, walking into a trashcan as I hung up.

Sorry, Skaht.

Surprise Day!

Today is Surprise Day.

I got Skaht delicious candied ginger:



Skaht got me 10 Mega Millions bets ($270 million payout!) (NOTE: Monkey is not freeze dried in this picture):

Together Forever

I’m in an odd mood today and as a result of that, I started looking at pet taxidermists online. Now, I’m not all psyched for Monkey to kick it (in fact, I’ll probably be completely crushed when he does), it’s just that the whole idea of stuffing your pet is very strange to me. I don’t understand why someone would do this. I can acknowledge that losing a pet can feel the same as losing your best friend, but why would you want to keep a shell of that pet around after death?

In some ways, I find the whole thing a bit disrespectful of the pet. Now I realize that once Monkey buys the farm, he’s not going to give a rat’s ass whether he’s six feet under in the backyard or frozen in the ‘sleeping kitty’ taxidermy position on my couch. But, I wouldn’t feel right making him have to be with me beyond death. It would feel like I was robbing him of eternal rest or something. Not only that, it would probably make me more sad about his death than if I just buried him. Every day, I would look into his hollow, lifeless marble eyes and wish that maybe today he’d decide to jump off the couch and attack my ankle, or beg for food or...anything, really.

I’m getting sad just writing this.

Num num num

I'm waiting for Skaht and I'm bored. So, I found this. It's like an alien face hugger sandwich! Yum!

VS Fashion Show

Ok, so I did end up watching a little bit of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show last night after I got home from dinner with Jen. I just watched the first ten minutes though, because I couldn’t slog through much more. I do think that if I end up getting a bottle of wine tonight, I might try to watch the rest online. But, that is only because I am a masochist and I like to torture myself. It’s sexy.

Anyway, the first few minutes had the annoying backstage cut-ins with some guy in an English accent yelling out model’s names and telling them to “get ready to work” (or something like that.) It was pretty retarded and I definitely think that this guy is the same guy that they had doing the same thing during the last three shows. So, he’s yelling and the camera work is all over the place in an attempt to make the whole thing feel exciting. I don’t know, do people find that exciting? I don’t understand why this kind of media style annoys me to no end, but it does. I was about to shut it off, but then Usher was coming on stage to perform and well, I totally had to watch Usher.

Usher comes on and does one of his Usher songs that everyone seems to know. Then, the models started coming in, one after the other. People started to freak out at this point. See, I get it…they are models in skimpy clothing and well, most people applaud that sight. But, the annoying celebrity that these models are met with is kind of irritating. Each one came out and did a ‘yo homey’ gesture to either Usher or the audience, and I have to tell you that watching these total white-ass women throwing shout-outs was kind of embarrassing. Why couldn’t this just be like a normal fashion show? Oh yeah, I forgot, these are THE Victoria’s Secret ANGELS. Totally different story..totally.

Fashion wise, the outfits that I saw were pretty bad. You always get a mixture of crap and creativity at fashion shows, but the first few get-ups were seriously lacking in any imagination. Basically, each model was wearing what looked like clearance rack lingerie from Walmart (in lovely shades of gym sock gray and beige.) Seriously, this is shit that my 60 year old mom probably wears. Over that, some models either had fabric haphazardly tied around them or weird, brown leather belt things that looked like something straight out of Braveheart. At this point, I was asking myself where is the glamour? Where are all the sparkles and big wings and fantastical sex nymph costumes? The opening outfits looked more like the remnants of some art school drop-out's failed creation than anything interesting. But, yeah, I did only watch the opening scene, so maybe all that came later (I guess I will find out tonight when I settle down with some booze.)

The models were models and I won’t dispute that most of them are or are not hot in some way. They all had the standard model body, which is fine…but, am I a freak to think that lingerie actually looks hotter on women with curves? Sure, the models are tall, but some of them still look a little too pre-pubescent boy for my tastes. I think that real hourglass figures are the hottest (you know, voluptuous with a skinny waist and full hips like a pin-up.) Most of the VS models just look like one long pair of thin legs with little in the way of curves. That's not a bad thing - I guess that I just find this body type more appropriate for high fashion than for lingerie modeling. For lingerie shows, I think that Dita Von Teese makes an excellent model. However, girlfriend is like 5 feet tall, so I guess that excludes her from Vicky Secret's elite model force. Too bad.

See, I think this kind of body is the epitome of sexy:


This one ain't bad by any means, but where the hips at girl?:


After watching the show for a bit, I grew bored (as predicted in my previous post) and decided to work on Skaht’s super surprise Christmas gift. It’s not a sexy gift, but at least it’s unique.

Newsflash: Victoria's Secret Sucks

I have a like-hate relationship with Victoria's Secret. I like it because I am a girlie girl and I like lingerie. However, I hate it because it is the epitome of every ridiculous mass-consumerist idea of what sexy should be. To be more concise, it's a place where everything has "sexy" written all over it because the marketing people think that most of us women need it all spelled out for us.

It's funny that the entire line of lingerie has been recently redesigned so it will look more feminine and retro, rather than the circus-pornstar fluorescent shit that they used to sell. I guess that sales started to plummet as more people left the store empty handed (it's difficult to find the sexy in lime green butt floss with sequins.) Hell, I do burlesque shows occasionally and I couldn't even justify any of that crap most of the time.

However, this rant comes on the heels of my most recent shopping excursion when I went in to use up some discount coupons on a couple of panties and shampoo. I really like their shampoo. It smells nice. But, it took damn near an hour to get through the process of buying it because I was accosted relentlessly by salespeople trying to get me to look at sweatpants (with "sexy" written on the ass), gross fragrance sets or credit card offers. I was bothered continuously by every staff member in the store. I can only imagine what a guy must feel like, should he shop there for his woman. But, then I remembered that only ya-doods without any semblance of creativity shop there for their girlfriends and I proceeded to not give a shit about that any more.

Note: if you want to impress your lady friend, blow some extra dimes on a gift from Agent Provocateur. The classiness and high sex appeal factor will score you extra in the bedroom. Trust me.

So yeah. I hate that place, but I still shop there sometimes. I still like to buy bras and panties and all that crap that women spend a fortune on. I do it, but then I hate myself later because I feel like I just bought into the gimmick. If only I had the funds to outfit myself correctly in some La Perla. Someday...someday.

Oh, and I hear that the VS fashion show is on tonight. Usually, I make a date to watch it because I love fashion shows and the VS wings and all - but, this year, I'm going to forgo it. The last two times I watched it, it was like 10 minutes of total fashion runway and 50 minutes of annoying backstage cut-ins showing models on speed preening for the camera and running around in heels. It was fucking boring. Not to mention, if I have to hear Heidi Klum and her annoying mangled English one more time, I'm going to jump off the roof. Too bad - it's a cool idea, but if I want to watch a train wreck, I'll just go over to eonline.com and look at some fun Britney Spears videos.

This is most awesome show on tv

I am obsessed with this Japanese show where they take cute boys and dress them like cute girls. Yeah, yeah, I realize that every white chick you know has a crush on cute Japanese boys (me included), but you should check this out because it's brilliant. Besides, the Japanese boy in the green shirt is sooo cuuuutee! LOL! OMG!!!!

La la la la

Just sittin', drinking wine with Monkey and feeling fatigued from work. My friend Forest sent me this after I sent him the Shakira/Danzig video. It's pretty nice: